"Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers." - VoltairE

Where do you weigh a pie?

Posted by Anne Witton on Tuesday, December 9, 2014 Under: Random stuff
...Somewhere over the rainbow!

I love a good cracker joke and have been collecting up favourites to share with you. Enjoy!



Q. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
A. Because they were two deer.

Q. How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?
A. You've got three extra hoes.

Q. What's the most popular Christmas wine?
A. 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

Q. What operating system do Advent calendars use?
A. Windows 24

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. Fsh!

Q. Why are horse-drawn carriages so unpopular?
A. Because horses are rubbish at drawing.
(Alex Horne)

Q. What does the Queen call her Christmas broadcast?
A. The One Show

Q. What would you get if all the cars in Britain were red?
A. A red carnation

Q. Which author steals train sets from under the Christmas tree?
A. Nick Hornby
(Milton Jones)

Q. Why are there no jokes about turkey giblets?
A. Because the punchlines are offal

Q. What’s a mathematician’s favourite Christmas snack?
A. A mince pi
(Birthday Girls)

Q. Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars?
A. Because their days are numbered

Q. What's the slogan for the Eskimo lottery?
A. 'You've got to be Inuit to win you it!'
(Alistair McGowan)

Q. What are the tributaries that run into the world's longest river?
A. The juve-niles

Q. How do you know Santa’s real?
A. He’s from the grotto

Q What do you call a man who's been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder?
A These are good crackers, aren't they? Who bought these?
(Chris Addison)

Merry Christmas!

In : Random stuff 


Tags: christmas joke humour funny 

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